I was reading a short article on polygamy and I asked myself how does our view of sex impact our family structures?

After speaking to numerous women about polygamy, and if it was something they would or could embrace,their first point of concern was  sex and the other woman. The issue of sex was presented in various forms but it boiled down to one thing, not wanting to share sex with another woman. It seems to be a great blow to self esteem to have your partner sexually involved with someone else. Somehow our sex and our self esteem are intricately entwined. The question that comes to my mind is, how important is sex in our relationships outside of reproduction. We all know it is important to some extent, but have we over valued it to our own detriment? Is egotistical exaltation being camouflaged under the disguise of sex?


Some women say when asked about a man having more than one wife said, if a man can have more than one woman then a woman should be able to have more than one man. Is this statement derived from the base of gender equality or ego? Although polyandry is not  popular in Afrikan culture is does exist. The issue of roles then would be a factor in family constructs. In the family construct where the man is seen as the protector and provider this could be seen as an issue. Would one man be seen as the head provider or protector? Would this be the first husband and then how would this affect the other men coming to be husbands down the line. But that could also be viewed as ego based on roles. The fact is one man can impregnate multiple women at the same time whereas a woman can get impregnated only by one man at a time. How does that factor into a polyandrous family structure? Would this not increase the number of offspring she as one woman would have?  If the men are still in their roles as providers, is not the woman left with no help with multiple children? Energy! How does energy factor into all of this? I have heard numerous women say that a change in partner has physical effects on their bodies. If that is the case how does having multiple partners physically affect the woman?


As with everything, pros and cons will arise. The point of this particular blog is to think about ego and sex. Why is it 95% of the cons given for polygamy or polyandry are based on sex. Yet when asked this 95% said, take sex out the equation and they could see numerous benefits to polygamy as a family structure. I must make note at this time that what is being put forward here under the banners of polygamy and polyandry are responsible, committed family structures, not men and women running around having sex with whomever they please because they get an itch. I am not even going to research what percentage of men would welcome a polyandrous relationship. The average man in today’s sexual climate cannot handle that. Ego would crush his self esteem and self worth. Buy why?

I end this short blog with the question, is sexuality and our perceptions of and on sex stronger or weaker today juxtaposed to in times gone by and is it having a devastating effect on our family units?

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Author: Admin


  1. Personally I’m not into sharing my partner. Polygamy/Polyandry is not a lifestyle I can accept. Having one man in your life can be stress enough I can’t see myself married to more than one :). I also don’t see a man sharing his women, y’all can’t handle it. I do believe in soul ties and the exchange/absorption of energy during sex, so if my husband has multiple wives we will never have a true connection. I don’t see any benefits in polygamy…ok well maybe the sharing of house work, but I rather just get a maid.

  2. Copied from Facebook ..

    Ny-Asia Bush

    I don’t think it’s egotistical to want your partner to be YOUR PARTNER, as I am his. I do not desire to share body fluids with more than one person. It’s disgusting, actually. I prefer the term lovemaking. Sex is cheap. When making love, your sharing yourself (I’m sharing myself) with that person. My feelings are tied to that. I care about the person, their feelings and enjoyment of the act. We are bonding when we make love. That is what seals our relationship.

  3. One would have to ask the question, what is YOUR’s in terms of another human being? What gives you the outright claim on the essence of that person? Seeing that the essence of human beings are communal then it is natural that we share on many different levels. Thus in essence what is yours? If you have a partner and they leave was that partner yours in the first place? The claim of ownership in itself is egotistical when dealing with another life. We share,interact, we partake in and make use of but we do not own. It is like land, do we ever really own land or do we make use of land and agree in a communal manner that this or that piece of land is what I am going to use. So we then should ask,is ownership part and parcel of relationships.
    I would think we exchange body fluids with numerous people during the course of any given day in many different ways.
    You also spoke about lovemaking and caring and feelings being tied into that. Again a question presents itself in, can we not care and have deep seated feelings for more than one person at a time? Do you think it possible for a person to be in a relationship with one person yet have deep feelings for another without the involvement of sex or love making? If I had the resources, could I not assist another woman in her daily expenses, have feelings for her and remain faithful in my relationship with another? Again is it not egotistical to think that love can be owned or restricted to one?
    In the end how does your partner sharing his love and care for another affect you? His interaction with you remains the same as it always was but he has deep feeling for another, why is this a problem? Can or should he only bond with you? Is this not also ego?
    As always I give thanks for the interaction and encourage others reading this blog and these comments to share with us their opinions and their knowledge on the matter.

    1. I guess “yours” would be what you create. Like a child for instance. When you reproduce you are creating another life force that shares the same DNA as you. Your ancestral lines are tied to your partners in the creation of a child. That is where the ownership comes into play. Then the titles change to “the father” or “the mother” the child has ownership for the length of his/her life. It is the Father or Mothers responsibility to care for and raise that child and set an example for him/her. Now based upon their beliefs they can choose to go about this task in a number of ways.
      In a polygamous house there can be more than one adult that the child looks up to for advice and respects as elder in the household. If there are a number of elders in the house hold then the better. The elders must have a common agreement on how to raise the children. Everything else can fall into place after that. If there is going to be a Polygamous or Polyandrous community then laws and guidelines need to be set for the organized atmosphere that has to be maintained for the children. In terms of sex. If there is a community that has come together to raise children and there is love shared between everyone then I dont see why a polyandrous community can not exist. Everyone can be satisfied if there are enough men and women involved. Yes woman can only be pregnant by one man but that statement completes itself when u add “one at a time”. Most women do not know or understand their bodies and that is how they get coded and tied into one man and only desire one. When a woman starts to get control over the full functionality of her reproductive organs. She will be able to handle more than one. It happens anyway. What if all the single mothers with different baby daddies could have a collective, where all the fathers were intricately involved in raising their children together. Isnt that polyandrous? People just need to release ego, learn how to get along and love eachother for the sake of the children. Sex is sex.

  4. fact is- that Polyandry and Polygamy are both very old- and very African. Monogamy is also very old- and very African. There are instances where- polygamous and polyandrous systems do work- and are sometimes necessary.
    -There are some modern day families that live and thrive this way.
    -We Africans here in the Diaspora are in a bit of a conundrum.1. We are dealing with hundreds of years of cultural detachment and subsequent indoctrination. 2. We are dealing with major genetic “mixing up”. Meaning that in our immediate ancestry alone- we may have ancestors who are historically poly amorous and also ancestors who are monogamous. 3. Having been dipped into a European culture- our concepts of family and community have been severely compromised. 4. Our men /and women have been thrown WAY out of their original roles- as it relates to Community. 5. Many of us cannot AFFORD a poly amorous lifestyle. Financially nor EMOTIONALLY. 6. THIS IS ONLY MY PERCEPTION!

    In my personal instance- My ancestors have revealed to me that I have been Polyamorous in many lifetimes… They said “you have the sperm of MANY MANY Men in your womb” and they also told me that “you Must Cleanse for the journey”

    In this incarnation- I have a strong desire to be Monogamous- (although i do know that if given free reign i can and have had multiple partners). The desire to be in an intimate relationship with only one person- one energy is almost irresistible. My mind equates this with security, stability, protection, love, attention. I’ve also come with a major jealousy issue too- a possessive spirit and a dash of selfishness are all there in the mix.

    It all boils down to- where are YOU this life.

  5. I father a child and it has my DNA does the fact that I was partly responsible for the child’s creation give me ownership of the child or does it give me a responsibility to guide that child or life? The question then is can we own someone else’s life?
    I still think it is different for one man to father 15 children than for one woman to mother 15 children. I could be wrong but I also think the disbursement and retention of energy is different between genders.

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    1. Unconventional family stcrutures are fine. I’d be perfectly happy if this were Bob & Carol & Ted & Alice. But the reality of polygamy is that a woman must keep herself for one man, whilst he can have as many other wives as he pleases. It is an arrangement which only occurs because of religious indoctrination. Would a woman, without the enlightening message of the Church of the Latter Day Saints, choose to do this?Polygamous marriages engender a fundamental asymmetry of power that, even if it doesn’t lead to actual abuse, is hardly conducive to women leading equal and fulfilled lives.It doesn’t make the abuse worse that it occurs in a polygamous marriage. But it may well make it more likely.I guess my two points are:(1) Even without abuse, polygamy is bad for women.(2) Polygamy is causally linked to abuse.I agree that abuse is the major issue here, but I don’t think you should dismiss polygamy so easily. It is not about being shocked at alternative lifestyles. It is about recognising the reality of polygamy for what it is: a religiously driven practice that is harmful to women.

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