I know this is a huge emotional issue we have as women. A lot of our energy is zapped in worrying about our men cheating: if he’ll cheat, is he cheating, am I getting any testimonies here? Cheating. It’s what many of us fear to a point where we begin to micro manage our men, dictating to him what is “acceptable” behavior: not connecting with female friends, curfews, no vacation with the fellas or any way in which we attempt to “control our men” as to prevent them from cheating.
Years ago, I was so paranoid over my boyfriend cheating with is ex-girlfriend. I knew I was the rebound ( and so was he), and the ex was his truest love. When it finally happened, I felt a little relieved. I didn’t have to worry about it happening, it happened. During this journey, I was really able to observe my nasty little thoughts that typically arise when men cheat: is she prettier, sexier, more accomplished, bigger breasts or skinnier? All of my insecurities came flowing like a river which seemed unending. At some point, I simply decided to not be defined by his choices and actions. That decision allowed me to do something atypical. Instead of terrorizing myself with those pesty thoughts, I put the mental magnifying glass on and questioned them. At times we’re just on auto pilot – reacting and not necessarily evaluating situations clearly.
Many of us women believe that all men cheat. Now, I don’t believe this is true although both men and women would argue the point. I feel we’ve become obsessed with what men do with their lingams/penises. Have you observed the media’s love affair with cheating? Of course if Sandra Bullock’s or Halle Berry’s husbands cheat, the “average” women is doomed, right? Wrong. Yet, the evidence is convincing and many women have adopted mindsets like, “as long as he comes home at night” or, “ as long as he brings home the money” . These are self-managed attempts to soften the blow of betrayal. It’s time to become aware of the power of our choices. Many of us have sold out for a lifestyle or just to let the external world know, “ I’m valuable, I have a man.”
So many of us are confused, insecure and whether we want to admit it or not, we have allowed certain behavior because we are afraid to not have a man – to be alone. We’ve entered into relationships with men – that they desire on their terms that satisfy their needs and we go along and maybe find a sliver of satisfaction – BUT are we Loved, Respected and Cherished?
Ahh, probably not and that’s why men cheat. They “cheat” to awaken our memory of our true essence as women. We’ve been lost in a child-like male dominated paradigm that has reduced the beauty of the feminine to centerfold images, red lipstick and stilettos. We’re under the hypnosis of media mind control artists: they create the images of how a woman should look, act and feel and we buy it. Blondes have more fun, we go blonde. Men love high heels, we wear high heels. Tight Jeans? Yeah, we’ll squeeze on a pair to entice the masculine. It’s an unending stream of manipulative tactics that always reveal the collective esteem of women. This paradigm is fueled by our self doubt and need for external validation. Men are cheating because we have invested more into finding a man than connecting with the Creator within. We’ve settled and men will always remind us. As we take silly advice on how to keep a man interested and learn all these tools to “catch and keep him”, we will continue to be lost. How do we catch and keep our Self? How do we experience a beautiful connected love affair with our own being?
I’m so thankful for my former lover – the experience brought insecurities, beliefs, habits to the spotlight where I chose to evaluate and examine. I was able to release the need for his validation and honor my own process of evolution. It wasn’t easy for him during this journey. He reacted emotionally and sometimes harshly in an attempt to maintain control and manipulate me with an array of fears. I simply cared more about living fully and less about his penis. His decision to dishonor our agreement was not a reflection of who I am as a woman. I chose to see it as his choice, his decision. Obviously, we’re no longer together and we were able to move beyond those turbulent moments and continue a friendship.
In my relationships, I wasn’t feeling celebrated and loved. As I took a sober look, I realized I was cheating and betraying myself. The beauty is that relationships reveal what we truly think about ourselves and our self worth. Truthfully, I had broken so many promises to myself, cheated on my dreams just to maintain the status quo. We may be faithful to our man but are we faithful to ourselves? Many men who want us to stay in our little manicured boxes and never evolve. There are also men who want to support our expansion and are eager to witness our blossoming. As we re-focus our attention on our personal evolution and release the fear of being cheated on, we’ll start to ignite a new vibrancy and attract more supportive men into our sphere.
Be thankful for the pain of knowing that you’re man has cheated, he’s gifted you a lifeline. He’s supporting you with an opportunity to reach deeper within and connect with the essence that animates your physical body and the material world. The power that creates worlds is backing us – let us not settle for the connection with man as our primary goal – and for many of us it is. I’m an advocate for delicious unions connected with a clear intention to love and expand. We have many dimensions to our being and beauty. We must get online with that glowing, radiant, fearless, delicious essence and re-create our relationships. Lovers are born in the mind, not in the matrix.
For more from Sensual Charm visit her website http://sensualcharm.com/